Biblical Marriage

Reading …

Ephesians 5:15-33

Introduction …

Over the next 2 weeks we are going to discuss Christian marriage and the family.
- Maybe you are saying to yourself … How boring.
Well I venture to suggest that that is not the case because most marriages today are experiencing some difficulties.
- General Montgomery once said …
  - Do not try marriage until you have mastered the art of warfare
- They tell me more than half of the marriages end in divorce …
  - Shacking up or try before you buy has not reduced that figure at all.
  - Of the half that remain together, half stay together for reasons other than the ones intended in scripture.
In my lifetime marriage in the evangelical church has changed from a low percentage compared to the non churched world to equal that of the unsaved godless world.
- So the forerunner to this passage on marriage starts with a warning …
  - Be very careful how you live because the days are evil … vs15

Evil Days …

Marriage today is under attack like never before …
- We are told to look for Mr/ Mrs Perfect …
  - My soul mate
  - Stay single and experience life to the fullest then get married …
  - The idea of singleness is growing
  - Establish your career first …
- These selfish objectives all delay marriage and usually complicates it.
  - In biblical times girls got married at 15
- Society is killing marriage …
  - Serial partners, homosexuality, homosexual marriages, abortion, birth control ...are all working against Gods hub for civlization …
  - That hub is the family where righteousness can be passed from one generation to the next.

God’s Purposes …

Let's go to the beginning … and see God’s plan for man ...Genesis 1:27-30
- God makes man and delegates to him the control of creation
But he is alone and so God created the woman as his suitable helper…
- Alone he could not achieve what God had in mind …
  - Which was to fill the earth with babies… Ch 1:28
- Another man would provide limited companionship and help with working the garden … but no more.
  - God’s vision was to fill the earth with people and in order for that to happen a more suitable partner had to be made…Ch 1:28
- So God creates the woman and brings her to Adam …
  - As a gift of life
- Then the Lord lays down the order for mankind …
  - For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh… Ch 2:24
    - That statement is stated again (X4) in the New Testament because it is God's permanent intention for mankind.
- God’s purpose is …
  - Children … a blessing … Psalm 127:3
  - Companionship … Genesis 2
  - To prevent immorality … 1 Corinthians 7:2
  - Rejoice in love and affection … Genesis 26:7-9, Proverbs 5:18-19
    - When these things are not achieved there is conflict …
      - And we suffer mankind's deepest pain …
      - The marriage becomes a source of pain instead of heaven sent joy.
In their innocence this is literally a marriage made in heaven …
- They fellowship with God, they rejoice in their companionship, in oneness they work the garden and rule creation.
But when Satan moves in and deceives Eve their relationship changes …
- Now her desire is for her husband and he rules over her … Ch 3:16
But it does not take long before the wickedness of man goes from bad to worse and total depravity has its way.
- And by chapter 6 the flood is on its way.
- But the flood does not stop the rot.
  - There is polygamy, incest, infidelity, homosexuality the works.
  - As we come into 2021 we see “As in the days of Noah”
And so the warning comes to us to live as the wise ... Ephesians 5:15

Filled with the Spirit …

How is this possible and what is required …
- Do not live as the world does …
  - Which leads to sin …
- But be full of the Spirit… Ephesians 5:18
  - Which leads to three things
    - Making music in your hearts to the Lord … Worship
    - Always giving thanks … Gratitude
    - Submitting to one another… Service.
  - The idea of being filled with the Spirit …
    - Is not like a glass of water … which is static.
    - But that of a ship's sail full of wind which carries us forward thru life.
  - Then verse 21 to Ch 6:4 gives details of the consequences of a Spirit filled life.
Without the Spirit of God in us the chances of a good marriage are very low.
- The good ones are because they are adhering to God's way by default.
- Conflict in any relationship is normal …
  - If you bring 2 sinners together … each pursuing their selfish agendas what can you expect.
  - The solution is in submission.

Meaning of Submission ...

The Greek word used is hypotasso … It means …
- Subjecting or subordinating to another person or something.
- It is a military term where rank is important.
  - Soldiers subject themselves to a higher rank and are obedient to their commands.
  - In scripture we are called to submit to …
    - Governing authorities ...Romans 13:1
    - Slaves to masters …Titus 2:9, 1 Peter 2:18
    - Jesus submitted to his parents … Luke 2:51
    - To elders … 1 Peter 5:5
Why am I taking the time to explain the understanding of a simple word …
- We never question our submission to...
  - The mighty hand of God … 1 Peter 5:6
  - Jesus Christ who is our Lord and master… Ephesians 5:23
- In this situation our understanding of the word is clear …
  - Submit means submit and obey.
  - It is literal … it is a verb … a doing word.
- Yet when it comes to the marriage relationship we do not like it …
  - And we attempt to change the meaning… or find reason to get around it.
  - It is what Dave spoke about 2 weeks ago … the dreaded D word.
    - It is not like it is an isolated idea ....
    - It is mentioned repeatedly in Scripture …
      - Paul to the Ephesians, Colossians.
      - Peter and Titus also make mention.
      - Even Abraham gets in on the act.
      - In total 41 times in the New Testament.
  - So let's be clear about our doctrine … submit means submit.
- In Philippians 2:1-7 we have the greatest lesson on this matter ..,
  - Verse one details the perfect relationship …
    - Christ and the believer ... his bride
      - Comfort in love …
      - Fellowship in the Spirit…
      - Affection and mercy…
        
        Sounds like a good marriage to me …
  - Be like minded … vs 2
    - Same love…
    - One accord …
    - No selfish acts …
    - Lowliness of mind esteeming others better than self
    - Looking after the interests of others.
      - Wow it sounds so simple … so logical, does it not …
  - But then Paul drops a bomb … Vs. 5-7
    - Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus …
    - Who made Himself of no reputation …
    - Taking on the form of a bond servant …
      - That is submission.
    - That's not so easy … but it is expected of us.
  - Question … how do we achieve this impossibility …
    - Do not be drunk with wine but be filled with the Spirit … Ephesians 5:18
    - To the Galatians Paul says …
      - It is not I but Christ who lives in me… Galatians 2:20
    - By the power of the Spirit in me I …
      - Worship …
      - Show gratitude ...
      - Submit in service to one another…

The commands of Scripture …

1. In this passage there are the overall consequences of the Spirit filled walk …

The last one being … Submitting to one another …
In dealing with marriage relationships this one is often overlooked.
1. But it is applicable to all… male and female.
The three commands that follow all demand submission
1. To the husband the command is love your wife
2. To the wife submit to your husband
3. To the children obey your parents …
So let's deal with them individually …

2. Submitting to one another …

Question … What was the reason for your last dispute …
1. Let nothing be done thru selfish ambition or conceit… Philippians 2:3
  1. He refuses to put his clothes away … mom must clean up.
  2. I work long hours to provide for this family …
    1. But actually it’s his selfish ambition that drives him.
  3. Mom nags her way to expensive things she MUST have …
    1. But it’s all about appearances and conceit.
  4. All silly examples but you know what I am talking about.
  5. Selfish ambitions and conceit drive disputes.
2. What is the opposite of these things…
  1. Humility and submission.
3. So the Scripture says let this mind {of submission} be in you that was in Christ Jesus who humbled himself even to the point of death ...Philippians 2:8
4. Submission is fundamental to the Christian life

Husbands …

We are now speaking about responsibilities not status …
- So the question is what are the husband's responsibilities …
Head of the wife … As Christ is head of the church. Ephesians 5:23 …
- Notice that nowhere does it say he must rule over her.
- The only time rule is used is in Genesis where the situation is mentioned in the curse and is a consequence of sin… Genesis 3:1
- Until then she was a helper now because of sin he sees her as his subject.
  - Like a slave master over the slave…
- Cato
  - If you catch your wife in infidelity you can kill her without a trial. But if she were to catch you in an act of infidelity she wouldn't venture to touch you with her finger, indeed she has no right.
- It is very important not to read into this passage hierarchical notions.
  - It is here used as the source and nourisher of life.
- Here in Ephesians Paul is teaching a very different way.
  - We see the husband in a position of headship but conducting that authority in a Christlike way.
    - Christ gave himself up to lead her into salvation.
      - Submitted to serve
    - That way is what we refer to as servant leadership …
      - In love submitting his status and life to meeting the needs of the church.
  - That is the leadership commanded by the Scriptures...doctrine
    - That servant leadership is what earns the respect, love and trust of the wife and makes her submission easy.
  - The selfish life leads to quid pro quo …
    - One for me and one for you … why should you have more than me … if you have a new car why can’t I have a new lounge suit.
      - And so the battle rages on.
- So in servant leadership there is no hierarchical structure but there are responsibilities …
  - And the husband is called to
    - Provide for …
    - Protect …
    - Lead
    - Care for…
  - And to accomplish these things he must make of himself nothing taking on the form of a servant.

God's Gift to Man ...

Maybe you are sitting there and thinking “This is not what I signed up for”
- This is not marriage but slavery.
Christmas is coming with all it’s celebrations…
- When our kids were small the family always met at my parents house to exchange gifts…
  - The greed with which Stuart ripped the wrappings off and called for more was horrific …
    - He showed no appreciation for the gifts whatsoever …
    - Surely he should have shown gratitude and cared for that which he received.
Husbands listen carefully …
- God saw a need in Adam so He created a gift that would meet those needs.
  - So He gave Eve to Adam as a gift …
- To start with he showed gratitude … Genesis 2:23
  - Before the fall they rejoiced in fellowship and companionship …
- But when push came to shove Adam did not care for her as he should have …
  - When Satan spoke to her Adam was there …
    - And it was his responsibility to step in and take control of the situation … and protect her ....
      - Instead he did nothing.
- Your wife is a gift from God to you …
  - He has given her to you to meet all of your needs
  - What we as men need to do is show appreciation by caring for the gift properly.
  - The way you treat her says a lot about what you think of the Giver of the gift.
  - In my experience recognising my wife as God’s gift to me has a massive impact on my relationship with her.

Challenge …

Outside of salvation God’s greatest gift to mankind is marriage
- The world in its wisdom is casting that institution out …
Our reading started by saying … Eph 5;15
- Be very careful about the way you live … not as unwise {the world} but as wise {God’s way} because the days are evil.

Biblical Marriage - Part 1

Written by:

Lawrence Payne