Biblical Marriage

Reading …

Introduction …

Last week we discussed …
- The importance of marriage …God’s hub for civilization.
- The worlds efforts to destroy marriage
- Highlighted the warning to live by the Spirit in order to counter this evil
  - This lifestyle demands submission by all parties concerned
- The Biblical meaning of submission
  - Ranking oneself below ...
  - Selfishness and conceit drives disputes… Philippians 2
    - Submission drives harmony
- The commands of Scripture …
  - Submit to one another …
  - Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and submitted to her needs to make her a glorious church.
    - Husbands are therefore called to …
      - Care for …
      - Provide for
      - Lead in servant leadership not rule
      - Protect
For me submitting to the wife means …
- Whatever will bring her joy and be to her benefit I will submit to do and do it happily.
  - But that demands my time, resources and a lot of my life.
    - The purpose is to make her glorious.
  - She must know that whatever decisions I make are made in her and the family's interests…
    - Not my self interest..
Husbands recognise your wife as a personal gift from God to you.
- How do you rate the gift …
  - Good, Bad, Indifferent.

Honouring our vows ...

I did ask you to go home and do a performance appraisal on your marriage vows.
- I wonder how many of you did that.
  - How did you score ...
In Galatians 3:15 Paul reminds us that contracts entered into cannot be put aside until the terms and conditions are met.
- This of course has massive implications for us as believers …
- Because Paul tells us that God also adheres to this principle …
  - And therefore He fulfills all of His promises to us …
    - The whole idea of justification by faith is based in the promises of God to Abraham.
  - Where would we be right now if God decided to rescind that promise?
  - But God's faithfulness to His promises brings to us great security does it not.
- So how is your performance in relation to your promises to each other.
  - Does it result in great security or is there doubt and suspicion.
    - And ultimately conflict.
I have on a number of occasions been asked if getting married at the young age that we did was a mistake …
- I can honestly say that I have never regretted that decision to marry at the young age that we did
- Over time I learned that she was God’s gracious gift to me …
  - And therefore I have a duty to care for, protect, provide for and submit to her needs by leading in a Godly way.
Many times I fail…
- But I know God’s call to mutual submission is the best way for all parties involved.
So let’s turn our attention to the wife …
These 4 important readings in the New Testament that our consideration ...

Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord … Ephesians 5:22
1. For he is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Saviour.
  1. Ranking ourselves below Christ is never problematic.
2. But in what way is the husband a saviour …
  1. She is physically the weaker …1 Peter 3:7
  2. They are created differently (suitable) to enable them to perform different tasks …
    1. The tasks of provision by the sweat of his brow … Genesis 3
    2. Protection from without and within
      1. In other words invasion and childrens assaults.
    3. Caring for … ensuring she gets what is needed
    4. Leadership … thru stormy situations … in paths of righteousness.
      1. These are tasks which he is by creation able to do.
      2. So he is given the responsibility of being head of the wife.
Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord … Colossians 3:18
1. Appropriate, correct, God’s way…
2. Most importantly reflecting Christ’s relationship with the church.
Wives in the same way be submissive to your husband … 1 Peter 3:1
1. In chapter 2 Peter has been discussing submission to government and all authorities, even wicked slave masters.
2. The showing of respect and submission are clearly interlinked.
  1. And are unconditional … it is God’s will ...1 Peter 2:15
Train the younger women to love their husbands and children …and be homemakers ...
1. And to be subject to their husbands … Titus 2:5-6

It is interesting to notice in the reading in Titus the passage starts with the challenge …
- Teach what is in accordance with sound doctrine … Titus 2:1
  - So love for and submission to husbands is sound doctrine and therefore…
  - It is important and must be adhered to.
  - It is beneficial for us.
  - God honouring … vs 5
- The other important instruction to women is to be homemakers… Titus 2:5
It should be obvious from these points of view that they tie in with creation in Genesis where the man and women were created equal before God but different…
- But importantly created suitable, in order to enable them to perform different roles.
- Men have the physical attributes to …
  - Provide, protect, care for and lead
- But are not as equipped to be homemakers or child carers as women are.
  - That does not imply we can’t assist but the overall responsibility lies with the party to whom the task is allocated.
So the instruction to the wives is to submit …
- To rank yourselves under … the headship that is given to the husband.

I say again this is purely relative to responsibilities that we are accountable for and has nothing to do with status…
- We are all equal in God’s eyes …
To understand what is going on in marriage we must revert back to the curse …
- Submission is not a word we, male or female, enjoy.
  - It violates our sense of freedom.
  - It impacts our sense of self esteem.
  - It hinders our ambition to reach full potential.
    - Therefore we practise submission conditionally.
Before the fall submission was not a problem …
- Both male and female had responsibilities which they carried out in harmony.
  - Adam with his God ordained headship
  - Eve with her God given duty to be the perfect helpmeet.
- But as we stated last week when the fall came the relationship changed …
  - Now there is conflict in the relationship …
    - Adam deflects the blame …
      - God you gave me …
      - The woman made me …
        
        Now he must suffer in order to provide.
    - Eve … also deflects the blame …
      - The serpent deceived me
      - No protection from this man here.
        
        Now she suffers in childbearing
        
        And he is blaming her…instead of protecting her..
  - The point is that sin has introduced a new dimension to the relationship ...conflict.
    - There is a fight for control …
      - He rules her and she desires to control him.
      - The battle of the sexes has begun.
- But being good Christians we create all the excuses under the sun for not submitting. …
  - My husband is not a natural leader …
  - He is not good with money …
  - He is selfish and self absorbed
  - I am better educated
  - We are just so different and can’t agree on anything.
  - He is a procrasinator… nothing gets done.

Women also have good reason to complain …
- Because the husbands are not fulfilling their mandates…
  - They are often not loving their wives as Christ loves the church, his bride…
  - And they are not giving themselves up for her.
- But the instruction in scripture is without conditions … 1 Peter 3:1-2
  - Christ’s submission to the churches needs was without condition
    - But His love for the Father caused him to submit.
  - Let us never forget that our marriages are there to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.
    - Where love motivated submission...
  - And we submit out of reverence for Christ ...Ephesians 5:21
    - So my willingness to submit reflects my reverence for Christ.
      - I can’t claim to be walking in the Spirit but not submitting as scripture commands.
So husbands love those wives and submit to their every need
- And wives love respect and submit to your own husbands.
  - Reflect the love Christ has for his bride the church.
Submitting comes with benefits …
- Throughout history men have abused their position of responsibility and turned it into a position of authority and privilege.
  - And their wives became attachments.
    - Small wonder they react… often with good reason.
      - It does not work ...
- The result is the rise of the women's liberation movement …
But the problem is the pendulum has now swung in the other direction.
- Now the dominant woman is very much to the fore…
  - The Angelina Jolies’ and Wonder Women are the benchmark.
  - Anything a man can do they can do better …
- Now she is the provider and protector as well as the home builder.
  - Now what he says or thinks is not respected or it’s ignored …
    - And in this way she influences the children's relationship with the father.
  - And ultimately even denies his sexual advances.
    - It has to lead to conflict.
But there is another reason for conflict …
- Men and women are different and they think differently …
  - So their approach to problems are often different ...
    - For example, how to discipline a child …
      - Explain or klap.
    - This is normal, not evil …

Question is how do we handle a situation where the parties cant agree despite a lengthy debate.
- That is exactly where the wisdom of God comes into play…
  - A decision must be made and the person who must make it is the one who takes the responsibility…
  - Therefore rolls and responsibilities are put into place by God who created us for those purposes.
- So the man is allocated the responsibility of headship…
  - And he carries the can …
- The woman is the helper and homemaker …
  - And she carries that can .
- Does that mean we do not assist the other party in their responsibilities …
  - No not at all
  - You can delegate a duty but you can’t delegate the responsibility.
In Proverbs 31 we see clearly the benefits of the submissive wife …
- Her husband has full confidence in her … 11
- She brings him good ...12
- She feeds the family well … 14
- She is hard working ...15
- She is entrepreneurial ...16
- She makes her clothes, bed linen etc 22, 24
- She speaks and teaches truth ...26
- She manages the home ...27
  - She is a homemaker of the top order
What are the consequences …
- Her husband is respected by one and all … 23
- Her children love and respect and learn from her.28
- Her husband praises her …she is the best ... 28
  - Submission comes with benefits.
Michelle and her night away …
- So glad to be home …
- All they do is humiliate their husbands.
In all the years we have been married I have never been anything but proud to introduce Grietje as my wife.
- She is my gift from God
- And submitting to her needs is not a problem to me.
Does that mean we never disagree …
- No ...

Challenge …

The teaching in Scripture is clearly to submit to one another…
- The roles and responsibilities are equally clear …
It is equally clear that when utilized properly, by both parties, they work.
- But they need to be driven by the indwelling Holy Spirit.
Outside of salvation, marriage is Gods greatest gift to mankind.

Biblical Marriage - Part 2

Written by:

Lawrence Payne